Now What?
Yes…now what? I have been wanting to write this post for a long time, but up to now I have resisted. Not sure exactly why? I guess I don’t want it to sound too maudlin, and full of self pity and I’m pretty sure that it does and will…..so, at the risk of that here goes.
It’s been 2 plus years since my position at a leading tennis brand was eliminated. As my brother would remind me - you weren’t fired, your position was simply eliminated. And he was correct and this happens all the time and to a great number of people. Nevertheless, it sucked. I spent 31 years with the brand and I honestly felt I gave more than what was expected. Through the years key positions would be modified or replaced, and I would be asked to take on more and more and I never said no. My mantra was give me more because I thought it would be harder to replace you. At one time, I headed up three separate divisions - and these three divisions each had a senior person heading it up - of course three became one which ultimately was just me. It was nonsensical and frankly impossible to do a good job. But I loved it.
The last two years of work were very stressful with ongoing reminders that we were not as profitable as what the mother ship wanted. I always felt I was looking over my shoulder wondering when the shoe would drop. In the final year, I started to get that feeling something was happening as the company was sold to a large Chinese conglomerate. People were signing NDA’s and suddenly people in the know wouldn’t talk to you. I recall there was a meeting in the fall in Chicago that I was not invited to and I knew then that the end likely was going to happen by year end.
I made it through October/November and managed a business trip to Montreal/Quebec City with our local sales rep, in which I told him that I thought this would be our last trip traveling together. When I got back, I contacted my boss and asked him if we could figure this out sooner than later. We had worked together for the past 30 years and I consider him a good colleague and a good friend. He really had no part to what was going on but had to carry out what was expected of him. He sent me an email and told me to come in to the office the next day. It all happened quickly - I met with him and HR. As you can expect not a lot is said. A few niceties etc and then off you go with HR. The script is pretty standard. They come to you with the proposal and give you some time to review and get back to them.
I had done quite a bit of my own due diligence prior to this meeting. Some of the people who I play tennis with are lawyers, and one particular friend provided me with quite a of bit information. Due to my age at that time and my length of tenure, I had a general idea that I would get quite a few months with some other benefits. So, the proposal wasn’t a complete surprise. I did have to go back and ask for some other benefits and it didn’t take much negotiation to get this part done. In retrospect I left with a sense of disappointment that we had to have this discussion. In my own naive way, I wished they had come to the table with the best offer, and yes, I realize that is very naive. Maybe in some small way, I felt I was owed this.
Anyways, the papers were signed and they tell you that you can’t discuss the terms and conditions and away you go. That’s it…and don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Financially, all was good - getting paid to sit at home isn’t such a bad thing. And, I didn’t have to worry anymore about sales targets, unhappy customers and all the general complaints one would get. I ended up doing a few small things - a consulting gig for three months and a part time role with another company. I also took on a fulltime role with a retail establishment that is in the world that I had just come from. What started out as a not so defined role became a fulltime postion as the manager of one of the operations. Eighteen months later here I am - or here I was. Working retail during COVID wasn’t a lot of fun……challenges with staff shortages, capacity restrictions, demand for the sport (busy), all made it a wild ride. When I said I would do the job, I made it clear that I was not here for the long term - 18 months would be my expiry date. Last fall I reminded them that May 1st would likely be my final days - as manager. I said I would take some time off and then, if they needed me, I would make myself available 2 days a week after that. If they don’t need me that’s fine as I realize that life doesn’t revolve around me.
In the time period since leaving my previous job, the work I’ve done have all been in the same field. No doubt that makes sense given my long history within - but there lies the problem. Leaving a job that has been a long part of your life brings so many emotions - grief, anger and finally acceptance. I’m sure there are more but I think those three capture the key ones. And frankly, I’m still stuck in one particular one - anger. Okay, I don’t lie in bed focusing on it, but my current day-to-day work in the same field has not allowed my to get away and move on. At times, I look at social media posts of former colleagues and want to say something…but I usually don’t. At the beginning you still call people and eventually you slow down and stop - your common link is work and you don’t work there anymore. In a small way, part of you wants them fail - as maybe it would signal that they made a mistake. Step back from that you realize that is simply stupid as most of these people are good people and are simply doing their jobs. Yep - have to kick myself sometimes.
I read an article recently in the Globe & Mail where people talk about what life is like when they retire. Of course, all the same things are said - find a purpose, keep busy etc. One line stuck with me - “when you retire, you lose your membership in an important community. Although I still meet with many ex-colleagues, day to day work bonds understandably weaken.” When I read that I felt it spoke volumes about some of the emotions I’ve been struggling with. Your phone doesn’t ring much anymore - nobody wants to know your view on a business problem. As deflating that can be, it’s becomes easy to understand, and it’s something I have to get used to. Your common bond with old work friends disappears. Its as simple as that.
Hey….my problems (or perceived problems) are not serious. Yes, I’m struggling but I know that I will figure a way forward and I look forward to taking time off and getting my *(&^ together.
The image above about the slice of pizza probably says the best of what I did…..I didn’t understand that work isn’t the whole pizza. Apologize for meandering, self-serving diatribe. Will do better next time.
